ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
