I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my sisters under your porch take her home
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
