We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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