Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
