its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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