I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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