My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
