and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i need some magic done to my vagina
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
