he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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