Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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