Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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