Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
