My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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