Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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