I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
