no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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