Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
