Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
