so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
