Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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