dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
