On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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