Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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