this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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