New low: just hacked my moms facebook
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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