I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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