i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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