No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
