I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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