FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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