The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
