A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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