You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
