Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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