A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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