can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
