after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She bit a glass in half.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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