I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
