He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You are a genius and a whore.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
