she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Then you guys just all showered together...?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
