She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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