in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
