First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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