According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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