Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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