I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
