If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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