bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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