I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
foreskin is a definite game changer
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Randomize
