Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
